Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Mommy's F**k You!

I'm grateful for all the mommy sites/blogs out there in cyberspace, I really am. It seems that once you become a parent, there is just so much to take in. However living in the information age can quickly warp your sense of reality, and make you question your own instincts. As I said in my first post, I really don't know what I want to talk about here. I do know I don't want to be just another mommy blogger especially because this is supposed to my "me time" not an extended version of mommy time. But tonight's events are compelling me to write about mommy stuff. (sorry, no sex or drugs tonight - perhaps next time.)

My son has been a crappy sleeper since the day we brought him home from the NICU. I'm a free spirit and don't believe in "sleep training" babies into little infant robots. So we decided we'd come up with a half-ass routine that revolved around his natural sleep pattern - whatever that would turn out to be. Well over the past 17 months we've tried just about everything - except that "cry it out" bullshit because that just isn't going to happen in my house. Around his 1st birthday we realized the best thing for our family to get some peace was to just all sleep together in the same bed. This alleviated bedtime battles, but he still wouldn't sleep thru the night. Our son is now 17 months old. 2 nights in a row, he went to bed no later than 8pm (as opposed to 10pm or 11pm) I didn't want to get my hopes up because I figured we'd be doomed around 2am. But nope, he made it until morning. Tonight is night 3. I can't believe I get to say this, but he went to sleep at 7:20pm. I had time to come downstairs, do a cardio workout, clean the kitchen, and now screw off online.

This is my big FUCK YOU...

to all the experts' articles and stinkface looks from other parents suggesting that I must obviously be a crappy mom and don't know how to handle my own kid. FUCK YOU for all the times I handed my son over to my husband at 3am and broke down and cried because I just didn't know what else to do to help my son. It turns out it wasn't me at all. It turns out that spending hours on end getting everyone else's take on babies' and toddlers' habits warped my natural instincts and confidence as a mother. It turns out that what my husband and I agreed upon the day we brought our boy home, that we would go with the flow and let our son be who he is - it turns out WE WERE RIGHT! This is the best goddamn feeling in the world. Don't tell me how to raise my son. I am his mother. And for those of you who don't believe in my hippie bullshit, let me assure you that my son is a strong, independent little boy. Sleeping with us has done nothing to compromise his psychological development. It turns out his little body just needed time. Yeah it's only been 3 days of these perfect nights, and I'm not naive to think that rough evenings are a thing of the past. But at least my faith in my maternal instinct has been restored. For now.

Peace, Love, and all that crap...

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